This week it became 2021. This year I am going into the new year with a much better mindset than ever before. Last year I was really struggling. I didn’t completely lose hope but boy was I close to it. I am going into this new year with the most hope and joy I have ever had.
Let’s be real, 2020 was not the year that everyone expected it to be. I will probably not be the only person who thinks some of 2020 was the worst year in their life. The end of 2020 has definitely ended better for me than the beginning.
11 days into 2020 I got put inpatient for the first time. I was at the lowest point I had been at in a very long time. I’m talking I got as bad as I was in 2014ish when I wasn't a christian. The hard part was this time I felt like I was doing all the right things. I was reading my bible. I was attending church online since I had surgery the month before, yet I had the hardest crash in my life.
I’m leaving 2020 as a different person. I am leaving 2020 a better person. I am leaving 2020 as close to who I truly am then ever before. 2020 was supposed to be a good year. There was some good within the hard.
I ended a relationship that never should have been started. I have felt what true joy and happiness feels like. I took over my small group and have grown as a leader. I have become more like who I feel like I really am than ever before. I feel like I can talk now and don’t feel like I am as much of a bother or annoying as I felt I was before. I am able to genuinely smile.
I am leaving 2020 differently than how I started it and I could not be more proud of the journey I’ve gone on and how far I’ve come.
What is 2021 going to look like?
Truthfully, I don’t know. If you know me then you know that I struggle with the fear of the unknown which is why I sometimes struggle with the start of a new year.
I am hoping to maintain my mental health and stay as stable as I can be. The past 3 years, I have crashed between the months of january and march. I am hoping and praying that this year is not the same. I am in the best place I have ever been in with my mental health but I also know not to underestimate the enemy and he loves to attack through my mental health. I am going to keep doing things to maintain it and fight. That’s all I can do.
2021 my word is rebuild. I got this word from Jeremiah 30:19. This verse says “ This is what the Lord says: When I bring Israel home again from captivity and restore their fortunes, Jerusalem will be rebuilt on its ruins, and the palace reconstructed as before.” What is key about this verse and made me stop with it is the fact that it brings up ruins. If you know the Bible then you know that every word is put in there for a reason. The word ruins makes me stop in my tracks. I was in ruins January through part of April this year then when I was dealing with my eating disorder from July to the end of October. I felt like my life was falling apart. I didn’t understand how I could be happy yet still struggling severely with an eating disorder. The beginning of the year, I didn’t know if I’d make it to the end.
I was in pure ruins. It felt like everything around me was in shambles and there was nowhere to go. The one place I did go was to God. Without God, I would not have gotten through 2020. Plan and simple. He is the only way anything will be rebuilt on ruins and I feel like that process has started. I feel like slowly the pieces are being picked up.
The first thing to do to rebuild? Pick up the remaining pieces of the old and throw them away. This may mean getting rid of old relationships. This may mean getting rid of physical things. This may mean doing a complete reset of your life and truly deciding what actually matters. First is picking up. Second is sifting through the remains. Third is being prepared to start rebuilding. Next is the process of beginning to rebuild. After that? Going steady with the rebuild. Checking plans with the master. Making sure things are being put in the right places.
Rebuilding something takes time. It’s a process and sometimes it’s a really slow one. And that’s okay. If you have the True Builder rebuilding, you know it will turn out amazing
Is this going to be your year? Are you going to rebuild this year? Are you going to grow closer to God this year?
Make this year how you want it to be. If you want to be more physically active, be more physically active. If you want to read your bible daily, make that time to do that. If you want to read more books in general, put it in your schedule. Yes God ultimately dictates your future, but you can make an effort to do these things.
Hold onto hope and stay strong.
Madison Rae <3
Comentários