Then Peter approached Him and asked, “ Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? As many as seven times?”
“I tell you, not as many as seven,” Jesus replied. “But seventy times seven.”
Matthew 18:21-22
Forgiveness. Is this a tough one for anyone? I know it used to be hard for me. I know it can still be hard for me sometimes too.
The bible talks a lot about forgiveness in the New Testament. Here are some other verses that address forgiveness.
Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
Ephesians 4:32
Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.
Colossians 3:13
If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you.
Matthew 6:14
So basically you are supposed to forgive everyone who offends and sins against you right?
What about those who abused you? What about those who put their hands on you? What about those who continually speak bad about you? What about those who wronged you?
I know it may be hard, but we need to forgive them too. We need to forgive everyone who has made any kind of offense against us. Believe me, I know it’s hard. The idea of forgiving those who took away a part of you is hard. But it still needs to be done.
Now forgiving them doesn't mean forgetting what happened. Forgiving them doesn’t mean allowing what happened before to keep taking place. It’s not saying that you have to be best friends with them. Forgiving is for your sake. It’s not holding onto it. It’s not holding it against them. It doesn’t mean not implementing boundaries or being guarded around them. It merely means letting go of that anger you have towards them. It’s forgiving them and not holding a grudge.
Holding a grudge and having boundaries are completely different. You can forgive someone but still cut them out of your life. You can forgive someone and not want to be around them. You can forgive someone but have very strict things put in place. Forgiving doesn’t mean you have to continually go through that pain again and again. It means moving past it.
Forgiving someone is for you not for them. Holding a grudge takes up your energy. Forgiving lets you have energy for other things instead.
I’m not saying that you have to forget what happened. You may be in my place where you have forgiven the person but your mind still replays what happened over and over again. You don’t have to get angry with yourself and be like “I already forgave them, why is this still coming up?” Your brain could still be trying to process it and that’s okay.
Also I’m not saying that you have to go and be besties with the person who hurt you. I can tell you that I will probably never be friends with the people who have bullied me. I will never allow myself to be put in a situation where bullying, harassment, etc. could happen.
I am not saying to let everything go back to normal. Implement boundaries. I am working on this with my brother. If I’m being honest, right now my boundaries with him are very rigid. I’m not overly friendly with him. I try to avoid him the most I can. I try to keep conversations short. I mind my business and hope he stays away. I am working on making the boundaries healthier and not so rigid but it’s a process.
We put walls up to keep us from getting hurt again. I’m not saying to get rid of those walls. I’m not saying to let people walk all over you. I’m not saying you have to let everyone in. I’m saying forgive those who have hurt you, if you have to keep them in your life, implement boundaries, and if you feel the best thing to do is cut them out of your life, then cut them out of your life. But at least forgive them. Don’t let them hold that power over you.
When we don’t forgive people, they have a power over us. They are taking up our thoughts. They are taking our energy. Not forgiving someone is like drinking the poison in hopes it will affect the other person. All it does is hurt you in the end.
Pray. Pray and ask God to help you forgive them. Pray and ask God to give you the strength to forgive them. Pray and ask God to help you to not hold onto the past.
We need to forgive others in order to be forgiven ourselves. When we forgive, God will forgive us.
Forgiveness is like the antivenom to a snake bite. Like it might still hurt and ache for a while but it won't be as prevalent or as time consuming or dangerous as not forgiving. You don’t want to live a life full of grudges do you?
Here’s this, I know how hard it is to forgive someone who took advantage of you physically. I know how hard it is to forgive someone who let their anger get the best of them and them take it out on you. But if I know one thing it’s that forgiveness is the key. Forgiveness is the key that will set you free.
Forgiveness isn’t saying I won't remember what you did to me and everything can go back to normal. Forgiveness is saying I remember what you did to me, I’m choosing to not hold it against you, but I am putting things in place to keep it from happening again.
Forgiving some offenses is not an easy task. It may be easy to forgive small things, but the bigger things are really hard. And I’m not saying that forgiveness will automatically happen. Sometimes it takes time. Sometimes it’s praying to God and being honest and asking Him to give you a heart to forgive them. It’s working through it on your terms and coming up to forgiving them on your own, not because someone told you to.
One morning when I was younger, my brother did something (I don’t remember what) that upset me and made me mad. This was like 2012/13 and I was going to my aunt’s church but wasn’t really believing or going for the right reasons. Anyway I was upset and angry with my brother and my mom told me I needed to just forgive him and not hold a grudge because I was a christian and christians are supposed to forgive. (For the record I had not accepted Christ yet so I was not a christian). But she was trying to make me forgive him when I wasn’t ready. All that did was make me even more mad and made me really not want to forgive him.
Forgiving someone is something that you have to come to on your own terms, not someone else’s. Forgiving based on someone else wanting to may not lead to true forgiveness but more resentment.
What am I saying?
I’m saying we need to forgive everyone no matter the defense. You do not have to forget in order to forgive. You are allowed to forgive someone and set boundaries to keep you safe. Don’t forgive just because someone else wants you to, forgive because it’s what you know is best and it feels like the right time. Not forgiving is like you drinking poison in order for it to affect the other person, it hurts you instead of the other person.
Forgiving offenses is not always easy. We truly need Christ’s help in order to forgive others. Forgiving is ultimately what we need to do even when it’s hard.
Hold onto hope and stay strong.
Madison Rae <3
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