Today I am going to be sharing a journal entry from last year. I forgot about journaling last year until I found the journal. It’s a Harry Potter journal from my vacation last year with Drew and his family. Its a memory book. It came with I think Dumbledore’s wand as the pen and 2 memory vials to put them in I think. This was a good time but even though it was a good time, I was still struggling. This journal entry is from a few days after I got home from vacation. Here we go… June 23, 2019 Am I preventing myself from getting better? Am I living in a place of defeat rather than of trying? Maybe I need to try harder. Maybe I need to train my brain better. I need to learn to focus on the positive, not the negative. I need to focus on getting myself back to where I was. I need to step back and let God. I need to give God control of my life again and live for Him, not me, not Drew, not anyone but God. I need to let go and let God. I need to let go and let life come and not be so paranoid about it. I need to live for God. I need to let Him win in my life, not the depression. _________________________________________________________________________ If that is not hitting me in the face I don’t know what is. I still struggle like this and it’s been a full year. I shouldn’t be dealing with the same thing after a year let alone 10. But its also okay that I am dealing with it because God will move in incredible ways through it eventually. He wouldn’t put me through this for no reason. The key phrase in the journal entry is the last one. “I need to let Him win my life, not the depression.” I don’t know if you have ever lived with depression but I’ll let you in on a little secret. It sucks. It royally sucks. It’s draining. It’s disheartening. It’s frustrating. It’s upsetting. It’s a lot of things. It’s not a fun thing to live with. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I know what it’s like to struggle with it. I’ve been struggling for years. The key in that sentence from the journal entry is “not the depression.” There’s so many times in my life that it would be easier to let the depression win. It’d be easier to quit fighting and just let my depression take over. But that’s not what God would want. He would want us to keep fighting. He made us fighters for a reason. Its so that while He is fighting majority of our battles, we can still win the little ones that we face. We need to keep fighting our battles. We deal with little battles that feel like big battles all the time but we’ve got to keep our eyes on God and keep our focus on Him. We’ve got to keep to our faith and keep it strong. That’s the only way we are able to fight these battles. Through God is the only way we can fight these battles. Maybe you’re facing a battle today that you are struggling with. Give it to God and expect to see Him show up in your life. He will show up. You just may not see it. God shows up in many ways like that person who takes time out of their day to talk to you. Like making sure you have clothes to wear and food to eat and a house to sleep. God shows up in many ways. You’ve just got to look for Him. Hold onto hope and stay strong. Madison Rae <3
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