I am going to be really open and honest in this post. I am going to be vulnerable and share about friendships and more about friends.
We were not made to be alone. We are not designed to do life alone. Since man was created, God has said that man shall not be alone. So then why do we push for a life of being independent and self sufficiency?
I struggle with this a lot. I grew up in a toxic household where I learned very quickly how to be independent and do life on my own. In high school, I didn’t really have anyone my age and anyone my age that I had, always would leave. This is a big pattern of my life. I’ll have a friend for a while and then it’s like out of the blue they bring up problems and then that’s it.
I’m sure I’m not alone. I’m sure there’s more than just me who struggles with losing friendships. I’m sure you know what it’s like to lose a friend. We have all been through it. It hurts, doesn’t it? You think someone is going to be a lifetime friend and then poof they are gone. It’s hard and feels worse than a breakup.
In such an independent world, why are some of us so dependent on people to bring us happiness and be the person we always go to for everything. First off, this is wrong. God should be the person that we are dependent on. He is the One we should be depending on for happiness and the person we go to for everything. We should always be going to Him first before we go to anyone here on earth.
I struggle with this a lot. I think I figured out why some of us go to people here on earth before we go to God. It’s this idea of validation. We want to have someone validate us on what we are feeling and why we are feeling it. We want someone to tell us it’s alright and they have been there too. I know, for me, my feelings were never validated growing up. They were always pushed to the side and I was told to suck it up and it is what it is. There was no empathy or validation in any feeling I was having so that has led me as an adult to seek validation for everything.
Why do we go to people here on earth for validation? I think it is because we seek to hear a person audibly or through text. I think we want that instant reply from the person and God isn’t always an instant reply kind of guy. He is a tell me all and when you are ready to face this or I think you are ready to face this, I’m gonna show you through this, why you are going through it, and how you will grow closer to me through it.
Everything we go through is for God’s glory. Everything in this life is designed to give God glory even if in the moment it is sucky.
I recently had a friend reach out and want to take a step away from our friendship for a while. I was heartbroken and didn’t understand. I couldn’t understand their reasons completely until I went to God. It was hard. They were my best friend. But ultimately they had to do what was best for them and I will never fault anyone for that. But I have already learned something through this.
I read the book The Return by Lacey Sturm for a second time (I love Lacey and all her books and music). But it taught me something. You can’t just accept Christ and expect to magically grow in a relationship with Him. You can’t just accept Christ and expect Him to answer every call you make with the answer you want, in the way you want, in your timing. Accepting Christ is the beginning of a friendship. And what do friendships need to grow? Time together.
You have to be consistent in a friendship just like you need to be consistent in your relationship with God. You need to be curious and always prepared to learn more. You need to sometimes be silent and just let them do the talking. And sometimes it’s the right time for you to pour your heart out and just have a good cry. (This is all the time in the relationship with God. God will always listen to you.)
But sometimes you have to go on dates with a friend to a coffee shop and drink coffee and talk. You need to do the same with God. Your relationship with God is like a friendship. He is always there for you. It may seem one sided because it feels like you are the only one who needs the other. Which is true, God doesn’t need you. But He wanted you which I think matters more.
God wanted you. He wants you to have a relationship with Him. He wants you to go on coffee and lunch dates with Him. He wants you to reach out to Him all day long and just talk. He wants you to randomly talk to Him because you thought of a funny story and you just had to share. He wants you to talk to Him as if He was your best friend. (While having reverence for Him and a good touch of fear because while He is good, He is also jealous and wrathful and you shouldn’t just be there for the good part, but also be prepared for the other side. You should not be afraid exactly of Him but should live in a healthy balance of fear and reverence for Him as well as awe and wonder of who He is.)
God will never get tired of you talking to Him. He wants you to come to Him when you stub your toe and it hurts but you can’t help but notice you did it when you were on your way to something that wouldn’t honor Him so it makes you stop and ask Him to show you if you should go or not. He wants you to come to Him with all of your life questions. He wants you to come to Him even when you are angry and you need to work things out.
A friend on earth cannot and should not be that to you. You should be able to have open conversations with them, but they should not be your number one go to with every little frustration and maddening thing that happens in your life. They should not be the first person you go to when something bad happens or when things just don’t go your way.
A friend cannot fill God’s spot in your life.
I am also speaking to myself here if you just felt the weight of that last sentence.
Some people put their friends above God. Some people put their friends in God’s place in their life. Some people will not go to God and ignore Him calling them and go to a friend first.
And then we wonder why that friendship broke up. We cannot put the weight of our entire lives on one person. We can do that with God, we cannot do that with people here on earth nor should we. Friends cannot do what God can do.
I feel the weight of this heavily. I am someone who will go to someone here first before I go to God. I will talk to a person here about that bad thing that just happened or the frustration of a situation before I go to God. This is something I am working heavily on. We cannot put the weight of the world on a friend's shoulders and expect them to be there for us all the time for every little thing.
But we are not meant to do life alone. We are supposed to have people who can support us through this life and to do life with. There is nothing wrong with that, in fact that’s how God made us. He designed us to do better with people in our lives. They just can’t be our everything.
God talks about friendships a lot. Jesus had a village and then He had a close knit group of people He walked with daily that knew the in and out of His life, but He still put His father first. We need to follow this model. We need to have our village to do life with but then we need that group of 3-5 to truly walk through life with.
I don’t think all friendships are meant to be shallow. I think some are supposed to be as deep as the ocean deep. I think some are supposed to be surface level deep. But then there’s those that are all in. Then there are those that come over when you are in the middle of a crying fest in the middle of the night and just need someone to sit with you.
Those that are closest to you should truly know about your life and be the ones you are not afraid to be real and vulnerable with. They should be able to tell you the ugly truth even if it will hurt you and rock you to your core. They should be the ones that always point us back to God no matter what. They should be the ones that get you to keep getting into the Word and keep praying and going to God first. They should be the ones who will walk through the valley with you but also walk to the mountaintop with you.
Proverbs 27:17 says “as iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”
We are meant to build other people up. We are meant to sharpen those people in our village but more specifically our core group. We are meant to challenge our people. We are meant to be there for them in their time of need and bring them back to God and love them.
Friends are meant to be there to support you and build you up. But the person you should always be going to is God. You should focus on your relationship with Him first, then the people in your core group.
You can’t be in God’s place in someone’s life and someone can’t be in God’s place in your life.
Hold onto hope and stay strong.
Madison Rae <3
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