Did something happen to you when you were younger and everyone said it was your fault? Maybe it was something like abuse from parents or siblings or maybe it was one step further and some kind of sexual assault or abuse. These things are not your fault and I’m sorry if someone made it seem like it was.
No one deserves to have any kind of abuse or assault happen to them. No one. It doesn’t matter what you were wearing. It doesn’t matter how old you were. It doesn’t. No one deserves that. No one deserves to leave with the possible pain it leaves. No one deserves the memories and flashbacks and nightmares that come at random times. No one deserves to have certain things that trigger them to go back to that incident.
If someone told you this, they were wrong. You did not deserve it. I know it’s easy to fall into the trap and say oh I was _____ so of course it happened. Or I should’ve known better. Do these ring a bell? They do for me.
There’s things I don’t talk about for a reason but just know that I know how you feel. I know how it feels to be taken advantage of. I know what it feels like to lose a part of you. I know what it’s like to not be able to trust a part of your own family. I know what it’s like. And I know it is super easy for people to blame you for what happened and for them to say that you deserved it.
No one asks for abuse. No one asks to be neglected. No one asks to be taken advantage of. So I bet that you didn’t and the people saying that either don’t understand or don’t want to admit the truth.
There is healing though. That healing can be found in Christ. Christ can heal you from your pain. He won’t take away what happened, but He will redeem it.
God puts everything in someone’s life for a reason. I know what you are thinking. How could such a loving and kind God put something like abuse or assault in someone’s life? And honestly I don’t have an answer for you. I don't know why God allows it to be put in people’s lives. But I do know that we are not fighting against the world. We are fighting a spiritual battle.
Satan put those things in your life to keep you from being able to speak out about God. His thinking is that if something this bad happens, why on earth would they go and worship a God who allowed it to happen? Why would they say that God is good when this is not good? (enter evil laugh here)
I can’t tell you exactly why God put that in your life but if I do know one thing it’s that God will redeem it. Through my own experiences, I have been able to relate more to others and be more empathetic because I get it. Trust me there are days that I really wish I didn’t but I do and that’s where lives will be changed.
Lives are changed when we speak out about what has happened in our lives and show that with God, we are stronger. Because if I know one thing it’s that with God, we are stronger. Without God, I wouldn’t have been able to get through the things I have. Without God, I wouldn't be able to help and talk to others who have been through similar things and instill hope in them. Without God, I would be gone because those things in my past would’ve eaten me alive. They would've taken over me and I definitely am not strong enough without God in order to get through them.
Have you ever noticed that God has a weird way of doing things? So when I was 16, I remembered something that happened to me when I was a child and still living in California. I kept pushing it down and down. I definitely did not want to talk about it. Not one bit. Part of me was embarrassed it happened. Part of me didn’t know how the person would react when i told them.
But camp.
I don’t know about you but my life has changed because of camp. First off the first camp I really experienced, I met people who have made a huge impact in my life and are still in my life to this day. Secondly, camp has opened a lot of things in my heart.
Want to know how I know that?
At my last 2 camps, the devil fought me really hard with being there. I was suffering with ten tons of panic attacks. Things I was looking forward to even gave me panic attacks. The devil works extra hard when he wants to keep you from something. He wanted to keep me away from having experiences that would change my heart.
Anyway back to camp. It was camp 2016 and we were at the Crossings down in Baghdad Kentucky. The speaker wound up on the topic of being taken advantage of and things like that. I felt a big tug in my heart that I finally needed to speak up. I needed to speak about what happened because things kept as secrets can tear you apart. When other people know, they can keep you accountable and make sure you stay safe.
After the talk, we had a breakout session type thing. One of the people who came with us (Emmanuel) said that if you needed to talk to someone that now could be a time you did. And I decided it was time to speak up. Now that wasn’t easy and I can still feel the anxiety and panic rising up in me when I think about going up to the person I did to talk to and then actually telling her. I was terrified. I didn’t know how she was going to react. But I knew I could trust her and that she would do what was best for me.
This is the kind of thing that would have crushed me. When I hadn’t told anyone about it, it was crushing me. It took God placing it on my heart to tell someone in order for me to do that. But it took someone outside of my life speaking into my life in order for me to finally decide I needed to speak out.
The devil fought hard because he knew that God would redeem it. He knew God would do something great through it. And one day we will see that.
But maybe you’re scared to talk about what happened to you for fear of what people will think about you or what they will say. Dude I was there. I was petrified to talk about it. That’s why I didn’t. I was silently dealing with it for months before I did. But there was freedom in talking about it. And I’m sure there would be freedom for you to if you talked about it.
You need to find the right person in order to feel safe enough to talk about it, you really do. It needs to be someone you can trust and have some kind of relationship with. The person I first told, I had a really good and solid relationship with her. She knew of all other things I’d done or went through and I knew I could trust her with this too.
If you are struggling with any kind of abuse or assault that happened to you no matter when in your life, please talk to someone about it. Let someone help build you up and build your pieces back together. Let them help you learn who you are in Christ and that what happened to you doesn't define you. Don’t struggle alone, that is when the worst happens. Please reach out to someone you can trust.
Hold onto hope and stay strong
Madison Rae <3
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