Hey Y’all!
It has been a hot minute since I have posted anything. I decided that I needed to step back from writing to focus on all the other things going on in my life. I didn’t exactly stop writing, I just stopped publishing a lot of it. I do not know for sure if I am going to fully come back to writing on a schedule or if I will just pop up here and there. I wanted to give you guys an update on my life :)
I completed another year at my churches Young Adults which was incredible. The people in the pictures are those who were in my group and some of which have become really close friends. I’m so thankful for the friendships I was able to build this past year with these girls.
On Thursday mornings, my discipleship group (and hopefully more people soon) meet at 6:30 am to have a time of prayer. We pray about things in our lives, our friends and family lives, or even things happening in the world. This has been such a sweet time. I have really grown to love prayer over the past few years. I have struggled a lot with the anxiety that comes with praying out loud and meeting on Thursday mornings has really helped me start to get past that and be comfortable with praying out loud. This time is so sweet to just get together and go to God with friends in prayer. When two or more are gathered, God is there so it’s really sweet knowing that even if it is just two of us, God is still in the presence and is hearing our prayers.
My love for the Word of God has grown tremendously the past year. Last year I decided to start reading 1 Samuel and just never stopped. I’ve made it from 1 Samuel all the way to starting Philemon either tonight or tomorrow. It’s become the best habit in me to spent time in the Word daily. I have missed days here and there but overall read most days. I have enjoyed starting to really study the Greek and Hebrew that was used. Word studies are so interesting to me. And I definitely get down rabbit holes sometimes with the words.
I am still at target and still enjoy it. If you would have asked me last year if I was enjoying my job, I probably would’ve said no with working on remodel. But I am back to ship or drive ups or other areas that I enjoy. Also the remodel was long and messy. There were a lot of bumps in the road that came up. The first leg of the remodel ended in October and the second leg (grocery) just ended a few weeks ago. It is a huge relief to have the remodel done.
Some updates on my therapy/mental health journey. Due to the hard work I have done in therapy, I actually no longer meet the criteria for BPD. So that means my only diagnosis are ADHD, PTSD, anxiety, and major depression disorder. This is incredible and 100% shows the Lord working in my life. It’s been so amazing to see what the Lord can do in my life. I am learning to fully trust Him as we start to taper me off meds so that I can be on less. In the fall, I will be doing a therapy called EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing). This is a therapy to help start the healing from trauma. It’s a little nerve wracking as things could come up that I don’t remember and so that may be hard. But I fully believe it’s time to start processing and really healing from my trauma.
I have had a couple major Tourette flare ups. There was one last year in July/August which is the same time I have had them a couple years in a row. The second one was in April. These flare ups are debilitating because in cases like these, my ability to walk gets severely hindered by tics. Luckily we got meds adjusted and I am back to having bare minimum tics which is not bad. My tourette syndrome is something that is so unpredictable day to day. Thankfully the Lord walks beside me through this. He would never leave me in the midst a major flare up by myself.
In November, I had my gallbladder removed. And that was not as bad as expecting. One of the girls in my discipleship group was getting baptized 4 days after my surgery and I did the crazy thing and went. And I’m so glad I did. You really only get to share these moments one time and I’m so thankful I was able to be there for that moment. I am still dealing with some things from this surgery but overall it was not that bad.
In July, I will be moving back into my dad’s house. This is so that I can focus on saving and paying medical bills that have just added up over the years. I will also be able to visit family more hopefully as I will not have the restraint of hours at work.
Last September, we hit 3 years without my mom. And I am not gonna lie, last year hit a lot harder than I was expecting it to. I struggled a lot last year with it. Luckily I had an amazing community around me.
The end of August/beginning of September, I am going to go visit my godmother in California with a trip possibly with here to someone special. I will also be bale to see my grandparents while I am there. This trip takes place during my mom’s deathiversary and I am so excited to be around my family out west for it.
Finn likes to lay on my Bible in the middle of my reading it or taking notes. He doesn’t like when I’m not paying attention to him so he’s learned that if he gets in the middle of what I am doing, there is a greater chance I will pay attention to him. Some of my friends have gotten to meet Finn and say he has the personality of a dog. He 100% does. I do not know what I would do without this cat.
Rey is good. She still is usually in the other room. She has started to come around for more pets and attention so that’s exciting. It was a major thing for her when she came out and let my friends pet her while they were here for dinner. She’s a sweet girl and I am lucky to have her.
Life has had its ups and downs this past year. I've made amazing friends, I've lost amazing friends. I did a lot of growing in my faith but also my mental health journey.
God has been faithfully by my side every step of everything I have gone through this past year and will go through in the coming years. God is also with you and by your side as you walk through your journey whether you are on the mountain top or valley low.
You are so loved!!
Silly little favorites:
Favorite coffee: White Chocolate Lavender latte
Favorite soda: Strawberries and cream Dr Pepper
Favorite dinner: Carne Asada street tacos (these are literally amazing. I legit made them tonight)
Favorite verse: 2 Corinthians 4:7 “Now we have this treasure in clay jars, so that this extraordinary power may be from God and not from us.”
Favorite book this past year: Live Your Truth by Alisa Childers
Favorite song: Perfectly Loved by Rachael Lampa and TobyMac
Currents:
Current books I’m reading: Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before by Dr. Julie Smith, Suffering is never for nothing by Elisabeth Elliot
Current bible book: Philemon
Current Bible translation: CSB
Hold onto hope and stay strong.
Madison Rae <3
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