“I must confess, I feel like a monster.” - Monster by Skillet.
I live with mental illness. It is really easy when dealing with mental illness to feel like you are different. It’s really easy to see the stigma that mental illness has in the world. The world sometimes depicts people with mental illness as monsters.
The world labels them as attention-seekers or manipulative. When really they are struggling with fear of abandonment or low self esteem. Disorders like borderline personality disorder, obsessive compulsion disorder, and bipolar disorder are commonly mistaken for being other things and people with some of these disorders, specifically borderline personality disorder, have huge stigmas around them. Even in the mental health profession world.
I can’t tell you how many times my disorders make me do or say things I don’t really mean but do as a symptom. I struggle a lot with fear of abandonment. It means sometimes I’ll say or do things out of character to get you to stay. Or I will push you away because you can’t abandon me if I leave first, right?
I am not making an excuse for my actions especially ones that hurt people in the long run. I am in charge of what I do and say. I take full responsibility for it. Just sometimes my judgement is clouded from the disordered thinking in my brain.
For someone who doesn’t have mental illness, little things like texting, calling, talking, being in public, being in large crowds, good moods, bad moods, don’t really have an effect on you where someone with a mental illness, this plagues their daily life. When I have good moods I wonder how long until I’m going to go back down. When I am in public especially in crowded places, I feel like I’m in danger and can feel panic rising in my body. I can’t text or call or even talk to someone without stressing that I am being a bother or a burden in some way.
The media depicts some people with mental illness as monsters. Truth is sometimes we feel that way. Sometimes the monsters inside of us come to play with those around us.
Skillets song Monster describes it perfectly.
“Why won’t somebody came and save me from this, make it end?”
“I hate what I’ve become, the nightmare’s just begun.”
“cause if I let him out he’ll tear me up, break me down.”
These are just a few of the lines that I feel like depicts mental illness really well. In the end, the only one who can truly save us from it is God. Sometimes we don’t recognize who we’ve become and hate it because its not us. Everyday can be a nightmare, especially in the depths of depression. If we let this feeling out, we’ll get worse or even show our weakness.
Mental illness is not fun. But its also not something to be afraid of. We don’t need to be afraid of those who have mental illness. They are just normal human beings trying to live life to the best of their ability. Sure they may act different or say things differently, but does that truly mean we need to be afraid of them?
Madison Rae <3
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