I feel trapped in a tower
A tower of my own making
The walls are 30 feet tall
And the tower 100 feet
There’s no way out
Or so I thought
He came to my tower
My tower was hidden
No one should have found it
This person climbed up the tower
He found me
He saved me
He wasn’t scared of such a high tower
Or the things living in it
I was living with someone
Well something
It was really a monster
Disguising itself as a loving person
This monster was fierce and strong
Never really lost a fight
And no one wanted to fight
Everyday was the same while in the tower
Until one day the monster had to go out
They needed something far away
That’s when He showed up
He climbed the tower
And convinced me to leave with Him
It was scary
And I didn’t know what to expect
The monster came looking for me
They found me and took me back with them
That’s when He came
And fought the monster
He won and the monster lost
The monster wasn’t killed though
Just weakened
The monster would come and attack
Not often but still often enough
Sometimes I’d go back with them
And He would save me again
And sometimes I would run to the savior
And He would fight the monster for me
He was always there for me
He always saved me
He always came running after me
I didn’t deserve Him
Yet He still chose me
_______________________________________________
I wrote this a week or two ago when I was falling into temptation. I also had just watched Tangled if you could not tell. But that movie and my circumstances got me thinking. We are all in a tower at one point or another in our life. We become enslaved to something that presents as something good but is actually bad. Maybe it’s drugs or alcohol or maybe it is something more praised like busyness or always being productive. We become trapped by these monsters that we have known for who knows how long and don’t even try to escape.
That’s when God comes in. I was battling with the monsters of self harm, eating disorders, and suicide when God came into my tower and convinced me to leave. I battled with leaving because it was all I had known for years at that point. It was the only way I knew how to live. I didn’t know any other way and the idea of living without them was scary.
But once He got me away from them, they came looking for me and from time to time they would convince me to go back with them. I would become slave to these things again and not remember the freedom of life without them.
The thing about that is that even though I would go back, God would fight them for me whenever I would choose to come back to Him. When I would realize what I was doing was wrong or could realize that I was on the path to literal death and call out to Him, He would swoop in and save me. I had to step back and let Him do most of the fighting.
Eventually the monsters grow smaller and smaller in your life. But every once in a while they seem enticing and draw you back in. When they draw you back in you are actively choosing to go against God and what He wants for you. This usually leads to sin in some type of way.
Everyone has a tower of some sort. Everyone has someone who seems like a loving person but is really a terrible monster that leads to death and sin. My tower is going to look different then yours and yours is different from theirs.
The key in this is realizing that you yourself cannot beat the monster. Only God can beat your monster and for a while it will just seem like it is getting weakened, building strength back up, attacking, and having to be defeated again and again. We are going to have trials and monsters to beat during our entire life here on earth. Your monster may not get fully defeated until you are on the other side of heaven. But as long as you have God as your savior, you can be assured that someone will be fighting that monster and you can leave that tower and stay out.
Hold onto hope and stay strong.
Madison Rae <3
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