Hi and welcome back to or to Madison Rae. I just want to take a minute and thank you for reading today. I appreciate each and every one of you who read!
So I thought I would do a post about things that you probably know but even if you know, you might not have realized about me.
1) I am not always outgoing and talkative.
People who have been here for a while will know this. I went through a period of my life where I barely talked. I sat quiet most of the time. I would listen but rarely respond. Somethings caused this like meds and home life but from about 11-19 I really didn’t talk much. I would around some people but not everyone. I also have only started to really be more outgoing since April of last year. Moving out has helped a lot. Sometimes I prefer to be quiet and just listen. Some days my social battery is empty and I just don't have it in me to talk and be outgoing. Somedays are just bad days and I don't have any energy to talk or really be outgoing or positive. Somedays I am too outgoing and talkative. Some days I don't talk because I hate the sound of my own voice. And some days I just don't shut up. It's totally a day by day thing.
2) I had a dog and I love dogs.
Some of you guys might remember about me posting about Holly before. She was my amazing dog I adopted from the shelter. She was my baby and I am so glad that I got to have such an amazing dog even if it was only for a few years. I adopted her when she was 8 or 9 and she only lived to 11 or 12. I didn’t have her for a super long time but loved when I did. I post a lot about my cats (especially Finn) but I still love dogs, especially huskies and german shepherds. My dog appeared to be part german shepherd, part husky. She was super chill and laid back.
3) I am very open about my life.
A lot of you guys have probably noticed this since I share so much of my journey of faith and mental health on here, but I am this way in person too. I will generally answer any question someone asks me about my life if it is appropriate. I will tell you the truth about how I was raised and how my mind works. I will answer questions about my ex fiance and my tourettes. I will answer questions about my past and about my family. My story is not like a lot of people’s and I love to bring awareness to different things like mental health and tourettes and this can happen through me being open about my life. Now not gonna lie I probably share too much sometimes but it’s okay. It happens and I am not ashamed of any part of my life or story.
4) I have an ex fiancé.
Some of you know this and some don’t. I don't actually speak about being in a relationship often. Too many people find their identity and worth in relationships and I am very fortunate that that was not the case. We didn’t end on bad terms, at least I don’t think so. I broke it off because it was what needed to happen. I am happier now than ever and I hope he is too.
5) I don’t actually know my personality.
I know that this probably doesn’t make sense to some of you. You have been the way you are now all your life and nothing can change it. This is where my BPD comes to play. I am working everyday to stay in a more recovery stance in my BPD but it still heavily impacts me. One thing I do that makes it really hard to know my personality is I mirror people. Most people like people like them so my natural instinct is to mirror their personality so that they will like me. I honestly hate that I do this and struggle a lot with this at work for the sole thing of if I act the way I want to act and not mirror the leader or person I am with, will they still like me? Which it shouldn’t matter and I am working on this but it’s hard to unlearn something you have done for years and years and do unconsciously. I am more serious with some leaders because they are always serious around me and I am more loud and talkative to other leaders. This causes the dilemma in me of are they serious with me because i am serious with them even though they have come of serious since I started. I know that sounds crazy but some leaders are more talkative and joking with other people and then with me they are more serious. This is something I am working through.
6) I have never been happier in my life than I am right now.
Once again some of you know this and some of you don’t. This season of my life hasn’t been the easiest but it’s been a season of the most joy and happiness I have ever had in my life. There has not been another time in my life where I had so much unexplainable joy and peace in chaos. And that’s on my amazing God.
7) I didn’t grow up in a christian home.
A lot of people think that people who have a strong faith so “young” in their life must’ve grown up in a christian home. I did not. I didn’t even know anything about God till I moved to Indiana in 2010. I went to church with my aunt from 2010 to 2013 and didn’t really take it very seriously. I went to see my friends and to feel like people cared about me because people there seemed to care. I didn't really take going to church seriously until the summer of 2014. I stopped going for a few months in 2018 but became serious about going again months later and that passion has only grown stronger. I started at a new church a couple months ago for their young adult program and last Sunday for Sunday service and it was truly amazing and everything I have been looking for. My faith is 100% my own. No one has forced me to have a relationship with God, it is all my choice. And it’s the best choice I have ever made.
These are just a few things that I feel like people know about me without knowing about me. I hope these can help you understand me and where I come from better.
Hold onto hope and stay strong.
Madison Rae <3
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