We all have different sides of us. We all have the side we show the people at work. The side we show our friends and family. The side we show at church. But what if all those sides became one? What if we tried to be real and authentic around everyone? Crazy? I know that’s the point.
Sometimes I am scared to show who I really am. Very few people get a glimpse of who I truly am. And when that girl comes out, everything is all together.
I was bullied a lot at school for who I was. I talked different. I acted different. I thought different. I did things different. The world doesn’t like different. It wants you to conform. But we cannot conform to the world (Romans 12:2). We need to be who God made us to be, not who the world wants us to be.
Sometimes that’s really scary. You don’t want to let your guard down because the last time you did something bad happened. Maybe you entered into the wrong relationship. Maybe someone you thought was your friend hurt you really badly. Maybe family has hurt you when you were being yourself. Maybe you don’t want to be viewed as weird or strange or crazy. I get that one.
Sometimes I’m scared to be my God loving and fearing self at work because I don’t want to be seen as that weird Christian girl. But after thinking about it, would it really be that bad to be known as the weird Christian girl? I don’t think so. I think it’s a way to share God’s light in your life with other people.
Now for me, there’s normal Madison that I try to be and then there is the side of me that struggles severely with mental health. Things like severe anxiety about everything, being depressed, and not understanding why my brain acts the way it does. This is the side that I am scared to show people. This is the side very very few people have seen or even know about.
Normal Madison is the true me. I know one day, mental health will not impact my life like it does today. I know one day I will be free. I am free from severe depressions grasp thanks to God. I have less anxiety and have had less panic attacks the past year. I still have down and bad days, but doesn’t everyone?
God created us very complex. (Psalms 139:14) That means we are complex beings. That means we feel a lot of feels and think a lot of thoughts. It’s very easy to get stuck in the idea that you are being fake because you are one way with certain people but another with other. That doesn’t make you fake. It makes you human.
There are going to be people in life that you have guard your heart a little more around. There are some people in your life that you can let your guard down and be your true self. Then there’s the people in the middle where you can be kinda like yourself but you still feel the need to guard yourself.
Sometimes this world is harsh and makes you feel like you have to look or act a certain way. Maybe you were thrown harsh words while trying to be yourself so now being who you truly are still scares you and you don’t know how to handle the fear that comes with letting your guard down. I am right there with you. I don’t usually let new people into my life because I’m scared that once they get to know the real me, they’ll hate me or/and leave my life and never talk to me again.
Then there’s those people that you’ve let your guard down, been as authentic to who you truly are as you can, and even shown the scary side of you and they’ve stayed. They’ve showed you that being who you truly are is the best you that you can be. They remind you that you can be who God made you to be, you don’t have to listen to what the world has to say because all that matters is what God has to say. Those are the people who you know you can be who you truly are with even if it’s scary.
We all have different sides to us. The happy side, the sad side, the anxious side, the fearful side, the scared side, etc. But what would happen if you put all your sides together and showed people who you really are? What if you truly showed people what was truly in your heart? The good, the bad, and the ugly. What if you were your authentic self that God made you to be?
I know this can be scary, I know it can be hard to let people in. But don’t conform to the world. Be who you truly are regardless of what anyone else has to say.
Hold onto hope and stay strong.
Madison Rae <3
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