I used to think I could do it all on my own. I thought I could recovery from my disordered eating, suicidal thoughts, self harm, anxiety, and depression on my own. Now I realize that was pride. I think i was too scared but also too prideful to ask for help. Asking for help was for the weak. But also some of the times i asked for help, i was brushed to the side and basically told it wasn’t that bad. It needed to be worse to get more help.
Pride is a serious issue. There’s something humbling about stepping down and asking for help whether you’re asking for help from a friend, a family member, a counselor, or even God. Surrendering everything to God is super hard. It’s easy to want to remain in control. It’s super easy to think you can do it on your own.
It’s easy to think that you are a burden if you ask for help. It’s easy to feel weak if you need help. That is not true. You are not a burden and you are not weak for needing help.
I know asking God for help even now scares me. I don’t know what that’s going to look like. I don’t know if it’s someone coming into my life. I don’t know if it’s something like going inpatient. I don’t know if it means weekly therapy sessions. Help from God can come from anywhere.
Life is hard. Life throws a lot of stuff at us. Some stuff we expect and some stuff we don’t expect. God is always there though to help us through.
Back to thinking I could do it on my own. When I was 16, I made the choice that I needed to fight for my life. I needed to recover from disordered eating or it was going to take my life. I needed to get help for my depression and anxiety because it was slowly killing me. I needed to stay strong and keep going. While I reached out and started meds for depression and anxiety, it helped a little but not a lot. That’s when I started to really lean into God.
God was who gave me strength for the longest time. Until I walked away in 2018. And even though I was getting my strength from God, I was still trying to do it on my own. I was too scared to tell God I needed help. I didn’t want to look weak to the God of the universe. I didn’t want to look like I didn’t appreciate the life He gave me. I didn’t want to come off as ungrateful for what Jesus had done for me.
Doing things on your own will only get you so far. I can tell you that for a fact. When I tried to recover from self harm on my own, I would eventually relapse. Now I’m not out of the blue and I could still relapse I mean anything is possible but now I lean into God more than ever and He is where my help comes from and I’m not afraid to ask my people for help. I tried to recover from disordered eating by myself. I thought I was doing good. Until I relapsed. I am finally getting the real help I needed when I was younger for it. This is the help I’ve been needing for years and after crying out to God for help, He’s giving me the help I need.
Sometimes asking God for help is scary. You don’t know what that help is going to look like. You don’t know if that means He’s going to take someone or something out of your life. You don’t know if it means finally giving up that unhealthy coping mechanism. It’s okay to be scared to ask for help, but if you need help, you need to ask for help.
Sometimes when you ask for help or even just give an ounce of what you are dealing with someone, you are invalidated. You are told it’s not that bad. You are told you’re just making it up for attention. This happens sometimes. Do not let it stop you from getting help.
I tried to do things on my own, I know now that I can’t do this on my own. I can’t do life alone. Not only do I need the people in my life, but I need God. God is the only way to truly get through something. He is the only one who can give you the true strength it takes to get through something.
I know it’s scary, but know you can’t do it on your own. Reaching out for help does not mean you are a burden or that you are weak. It shows strength. It shows humility. It shows you are ready to finally live. It can be hard to ask for help from God because you think you’re too far gone or that He doesn’t love you. You are not too far gone. And God will love you for all eternity. Nothing can take that away.
Please reach out for help if you need help.
Hold onto hope and stay strong.
Madison Rae <3
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