Hey y’all!
It has been a longish time since I’ve posted anything on here and my channel. I am sorry about that. I had intentions to post before this but the past month to a month and a half has been a little rough.
A lot of you guys know that I battle with depression. Thank goodness for meds because it keeps it pretty much in check but I have been dealing with a bout of some really hard depression. There’s a number of things that could have caused it or its my brain being my brain. It has been rough but I have been relying on God for a lot of it.
I’ve been trying to get back in the habit of spending time with God daily. I’ve been working on my prayer life. I have just regular conversations with Him throughout my day. I know the best way to conquer this battle is to rely on God and that is what I am trying to do.
On the bright side of this, my tics have not been very bad since April this year. I don’t know what changed in that aspect but they have stayed in check since then. I mean I have moments where they act up and are a pain but nothing compared to what they used to be. Its incredible and I praise God for it every chance I get.
One reason I’ve been so quiet is because I had my first surgery. I had a cyst removed the beginning of December and the healing process has gone well but has had its ups and downs. It was a lot of anxiety going into it because A it was my first surgery ever and B I had to do it without my mom. Shoutout to my aunts who have helped and my aunt’s goddaughter for being so helpful through this process.
This holiday season was the first big thing without my mom being here. It has been a little rough. Luckily on thanksgiving I had to work so that was a nice distraction. Christmas was hard. I would give anything to just have a conversation with my mom again. I wish she could have been there. I wish I could have told her how Drew’s family treats me as a family member and how I very much appreciate it. I wish I could have just one more hug.
Life isn’t always going to be easy. In fact, most of the time it is going to be hard. I can guarantee that majority of the time it is going to be hard and you are going to have to fight battles you never thought you would face. Or maybe face the same battles you’ve been fighting for years and are so tired of fighting. I’ve been there. Heck I’m there now. It is draining fighting the same battle over and over again.
But God!! God will give us more than we can handle on our own. It’s going to be hard and you are going to want to kick and scream and yell. But with God, all things are possible. You will get through the struggles you are facing when you have God by your side. God never leaves you, but it’s you who has to initiate the relationship by asking him to come into your heart and its you who has to keep choosing God.
It is so easy to choose things of this world. Things like food, money, drugs, alcohol, selfishness, people, etc. are easy to choose and put before God. But we need to be putting God first. I am not saying that all your issues and challenges and struggles will disappear the moment you believe and start trusting God. I am saying that those battles, even though they feel impossible and never-ending, may become easier to fight with God on your side. God is there fighting your battles. He’s been fighting your battles since you’ve accepted Him.
I’ve seen an illustration where God is standing mighty and tall behind us getting hit with rocks. He’s taking the biggest blows from our fights. But the second one rock gets passed Him, we ask why God and get mad and upset with Him because we can’t see all the other rocks that are hitting God. God is getting majority of the blows of our battles we should be facing but God graciously is battling instead. I would much rather get hit with one rock every once in a while then a million rocks all at once. God fights our battles. He keeps us from so much difficulty and harm even when we don’t see it.
It’s easy to want to give up and give in to old habits. I’ve been there and I’ve done that. It’s hard to not. But we need to keep fighting no matter how hard it is. It’s easy to compare your lows to someone else’s and think that the other person’s battles are worse than yours so you couldn’t be complaining or struggling as much. We all are different. Everyone reacts to things differently. Just because it looks like their battle is worse, doesn’t mean yours isn’t just as bad. We all have different levels of tolerance. You’re right they might have just lost a child and you’re just battling with depression, but that doesn’t mean your battle isn’t any less real then there’s.
A lot of people struggle with that. They discount their struggle because they feel like someone else’s is worse so then they hide it and don’t get the help they need and then it blows up in their face and they wind up in a worse situation then they began in. Anyone else guilty of that? I know I am. So many times I would say my issues didn’t matter because so and so’s was so much worse and I didn’t want to be a burden to anyone with my struggles.
Life is going to be full of battles. You get to choose how your fight it. Are you going to fight it alone? Or are you going to fight it with God?
If you are struggling today, please reach out to someone. People care about you. The world would be different without you in it.
Madison Rae <3
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