There's this song by Icon For Hire called Fix Me. Here are some of the lyrics.
Why don’t you fix me? I can’t help myself. Why don’t you fix me? Ohh I’m fading still.
Every scar one day will heal, every tear one day will dry.
Why don’t you fix me? Don’t you leave me here. Why don’t you fix me? I’m fading faster and faster.
This song is one of the first songs I heard from Icon For Hire. I heard it on a skillet radio station on Spotify. It was probably either 2015 or 2016. This was a time when I was really struggling with my depression. It would wind up getting worse but it was pretty bad at this time. I felt like I could relate a lot to the lyrics.
Icon For Hire is not a christian band. Their first album, which Fix Me was on, was marketed by their label against their wishes as a christian record and played on Christian radio stations. This is a song I can see why. It’s like asking God, why don’t you you fix me?
Can I tell you that I have asked God this so many times? This was one of my first prayers when truly became a christian. It was God I'm struggling so much right now. Why can’t you fix me so I don’t have to hurt? God never took it away from me when I was younger. It was a constant battle. It was a battle between wanting to keep going or giving everything up. I lost that battle my senior year and just gave everything up. I was mad because God didn’t just fix me. I was struggling so much. Why would He put me through that? It was to make me stronger. It was to prepare me. It was for me to rely on Him and I failed at that.
I thought I could fix myself so I left the church, I never stopped believing but I stopped reading my bible, listening to worship music, talking to people at the church. I wanted to be fixed and I think that I thought if I left the place where I seem to be broken I will be unbroken. News flash that did not happen and all it did was break me more. I was worse off when I left the church for those few months then I was before then.
This song is a song that sometimes still puts tears in my eyes. Yes I am doing really well right now and not really dealing with depression, but I am still dealing with some anxiety and I am still dealing with other things that are weighing me down and making it hard. Sometimes I wish God would be a genie and just snap His fingers and poof I’d be healed. But I also know that’s not how He works. God is not a magical genie, just a heads up.
The bridge of this song is one of my all time favorites. It says “every scar one day will heal. Every tear one day will dry.” If that doesn’t give you some type of hope, I don’t know what will. I don’t know exactly what kind of scars Ariel was talking about when she wrote this, it could be self harm scars, it could be abuse scars, it could be depression scars, it could be mental scars, it could be any type of scar. This lyric is something I held on to because as someone who battled with self harm, I have a lot of scars. They are fully healed since it’s been over over a year since I have self harmed but they are still there. And sometimes they drive me crazy. But the thing is is that they are healed. They are in the past and they are healed. And that is key.
Fix me is a song that I really related to the first time I heard it because all I wanted was to be healed from what was going on in my life. I wanted it to be over. God didn’t fix me in that season or the next season or the season after that. I wouldn’t say He’s fixed me now but I am better off than I was. He’s healed me some. And He will continue to heal me.
Hold onto Hope and Stay Strong.
Madison Rae <3
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