This is what the day after a really bad ticing episode looks like. It looks like me being exhausted. It’s me sleeping in until almost 11. It’s me attempting to use my mouthpiece to see if that will keep the tics sorta away because without it they were getting bad again.
Some people don’t really think that Tourette’s is both a mental/neurological thing as well as a physical thing. I get so exhausted from it. I get short of breath when it is bad. I feel like I’ve just run a freaking marathon when its my legs going nuts.
Tourettes is something I would never wish on anybody. Not even my worst enemy. Its not something that anyone should have to deal with. The people who have it were given it for a reason. They are warriors who fight a battle that no one really understands.
Im scared to walk across the stage and graduate on Sunday. Why? Because we cannot predict how my tics are going to be or how people are going to react. I know that I shouldn’t care about what other people have to say about it but it’s hard. It’s hard when your classmates make fun of it or make fun of you over something you have absolutely no control over.
Sometimes I wish I could tell everyone that its just peaches and roses. That it is something easy to manage and handle. BUT its not. Like everyone, I have my good days and I have my bad days with it. But bad days are getting worse and worse. Yes I can handle it with God but sometimes that doesn’t make it easier. It’s not something I can just forget about. It’s not something I can get rid of. Its not who I am but its part of me.
I wish I could tell you that I am handling it fine. That I’ve got it under control, but I can’t. I will not lie just to make someone feel better or to seem like I'm handling something perfectly. Tourette’s is a huge pain. It’s something that it very hard to deal with and people don’t understand that.
People think that it is funny to make fun of tourettes. Or that the people who have it are just making it up and doing those movements and sounds on purpose. Or that we do it for attention. That is the last thing I want. I don’t want attention especially when it comes to tourettes. I would never tic on purpose, even when it looks like I do. And let me tell you, it is not AT ALL funny to make fun of it.
Madison Rae <3
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