Dear younger me, Life is hard. I’m sorry you are dealing with it already. I hate to tell ya, but get ready cause your only beginning. You try really hard to stay strong and that’s amazing and sometimes you give in to the urges and immediately regret it because you know what you did was wrong. But even with that, you are so strong. You are so much stronger than you feel. You get through a lot of crap the older you get. You learn to cope in healthy ways. You have people you can trust and talk to. All that’s going on in your brain will make sense. People will blow off what you have to say sometimes. They won’t believe you or they don’t want to deal with it. They might not know how to deal with it. They will tell you you’re crazy and there’s no way that you have what’s going on what you say. You feel so alone right now. You feel like the world would be better off without you. And while that feels true, it really isn’t. You would learn that the older you get. Its still hard sometimes but you know you are here for a reason and you’ve gotta just stay and stay strong though it. I know that you feel like a burden. I know that you feel worthless. I know that you feel like no one cares. Now the truth is I could sit here and say otherwise but you wouldn’t have even believed me if I came from the future to tell you otherwise. You were so lost in your disorders that life made no sense. You are not a burden. You are dealing with a lot and while you feel that way, I can assure you you aren’t. But even know sometimes you still need that reminder truthfully because this was a core belief and its hard to shake core beliefs. So many people told you that you were worthless. And other people’s actions made you feel this way. But you are worth so much more than you can see. You are God’s. God doesn’t make worthless and useless creations. He created everything with a purpose and that includes you. People do care. You just don’t see it. And just because you don’t see someone anymore doesn’t mean that they don’t care. I know when you stop seeing people regularly it feels like they’ve abandoned you and that they don’t care. But that is not true. They do care even if you don’t always get to see them. Now even though I am writing this out, you probably are still not gonna listen because we all know how stubborn you are. Life needs you and while a lot of nights you will feel like it doesn’t, it does. You are going to do amazing things in this life. You are going to find a purpose. You are going to want to tell your story. You are going to want to tell people how they are not alone and that they are not worthless or burdens. You know how that feels and you don’t want other people going through that. You are going to be there for so many people. You are going to learn to slowly tell bits and pieces of your story. Eventually you are going to tell your full story and its going to be scary but its going to be worth it. Dear younger self, Please just stay strong and hold on. Sincerely, Your 20 year old self.
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