I have always tried to be open with my mental health in order to help people so I try to be honest with y’all in how I have been feeling to show that mental health is real but is not scary. That it can impact anyone and in different ways. Mental health is something that has been placed on my heart to raise awareness about because of how I’ve struggled with it in my life. For probably the past 2 weeks, I have been really happy. More than normal and its an incredible feeling. Feeling genuine happiness and joy for more than a couple hours does not usually come my way very often. I can not remember the last time I felt like this. It has been a very long time. Before this, I was struggling a lot. Everything seemed to be really intensified. Now if you know anything about bpd, you know people who have it struggle with feeling emotions more intensely. That, combined with bipolar, is why my highs are higher than most peoples and my lows are much lower. I also struggle with not being able to regulate my emotions correctly which is why I act the way I do sometimes. With bpd, you cycle through emotions a lot. It’s like a rollercoaster. Not a very fun one at that. I was on a huge roller coaster before my emotional state evened out. And it was not good. I felt everything from pure joy to pure despair. It was not a fun time. But that’s how my brain works. Very rarely do I feel an emotion for longer than a day, but when I do, it’s usually depression, not happiness. I do not take feeling good for granted. Even if it’s just for a few hours, I am grateful for it. When it’s longer than a few hours, it’s incredible because that barely happens. I am grateful and thankful when it happens and praise God the entire time because it’s only with Him that I feel this way. A lot of you guys know I started a new job. If you didn’t know, I work at Walmart as a personal shopper, so this means when someone does curbside pickup, I pick the orders. It’s fun and I am really enjoying it so I am sure that is definitely helping my mood. It’s good that I'm not just sitting around my house during this quarantine. It definitely helps too. Right now, life feels good. And I can’t take that for granted. Most of the time, my thoughts are fleeting. Which means I only feel them for a short time usually. Right now is not one of those times and it feels good. It’s a nice break after the weeks I had on that rollercoaster. Never take being happy for granted. You never know when that will be taken away from you. Hold onto hope and stay strong. Madison <3
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