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Writer's pictureMadison Rae

Please Do Not Comment On ...


Hey Y’all. So today I thought I would talk about the things I wish people would stop commenting on at least in my life and maybe in other lives too.


A lot of you guys know that I have struggled with food and my weight for years now. And while I am doing really good right now, anything can set me back. Food is not my best friend. I’ve started trying this thing called intuitive eating. Roll probably touch about it in another post but today lets talk about what I wish people would stop commenting on.


First off, I wish people would stop commenting on my weight. I know to some of you being told you look like you’ve lost weight is a huge compliment and it is but it gets the disordered side of my brain going. You actually never know what someone is battling with unless they tell you. So someone could be dealing with disordered eating and just is afraid to say something. You never know if someone is in recovery from an eating disorder and that set them back.


Yes, being told I look like I’ve lost weight is a huge compliment but like I said, it sets of intrusive thoughts in my brain. These thoughts consume me most of the time once they start then the wanting to not eat or purge come back and its a huge mess. My weight is something I struggle with. Yes I want to lose weight and its great that you’ve noticed I’ve lost some, but please don’t say anything about it. I am doing pretty well right now without the intrusive thoughts with eating and I would like to keep it that way.


Secondly, I wish people would stop commenting on what I do or do not eat. Yes I eat like a little kid. I literally take a lunch to work that looks like a kindergarteners and I get that I’m 20 and should be eating differently. I know that. But I have a hard time with food and adventuring out of what I know I like because a lot of times new food makes me get sick and I really like to avoid that.


If I am at someone’s house and not eating what they are eating, it’s okay because either I ate beforehand or I will eat after. If I eat something that’s not healthy that’s okay. If I eat only fruit one day cause that’s all I want, that’s okay. If one day I eat mostly junk food, that’s okay too. If I eat a mixture of healthy and unhealthy that’s a win. If I go out for food more than you would, that’s okay. This is my life and I know the way my body works with food and I do not need someone else commenting on something I eat or don’t eat.


Lastly, please do not comment on how much or little I am eating. Some days I am not very hungry but eating even a little bit is still a win. Maybe I’m super hungry and eat a lot one day. That is okay. Some days I eat more than others. And somedays I barely eat anything. All that matters is that I eat something or have something like a smoothie that day. As long as I am getting something with substance, that’s all that matters. The intrusive thoughts are really bad when someone comments on how much I eat, whether it’s a little or a lot. I’m not gonna go through any of my intrusive thoughts because it could send someone in a spiral and I do not want that.


The biggest thing is that you never know if someone is struggling with something. I am very open and honest about my struggles. I’m not afraid to be honest about them and put them out there. That is because if I can help one person, that is what I want to do. But there are people who are very much struggling and no one knows. The thing about a lot of mental health disorders (which eating disorders are classified as a mental health disorder) is that they are done in secret. Things like depression, anorexia, and anxiety want you to keep it very secretive. These disorders are very manipulative to the person who is dealing with them.


Commenting on someone’s physical appearance, like weight, can cause someone to go into a spiral. They could be in recover and they gained a few pounds and you tell them it looks like they gained weight and that sets them back. They could be restricting or exercising excessively and you tell them it looks like they lost weight and that they look good and that’s gonna confirm to them that the skinnier they are, the more people will like them and the prettier they are. We don’t want that. We don’t want to send someone in a spiral. I know you probably don’t want to do that because you most likely care about that person who you are talking to.


Here’s the thing, it’s one thing if I bring up my weight, that probably means I’m in a good enough headspace to talk about it. But when you bring it up and I don’t want to talk about it, that can send me down the rabbit hole.


Size doesn’t matter. What you eat doesn’t matter. What your weight is doesn’t matter. If you eat a lot, it doesn’t matter. If you are eating and eating in healthy ways or ways that are best for your body, while not doing things like restricting, binging, purging, and exercising excessively, that’s all that matters. What someone has to say about the way you look doesn’t matter.


I say that but remember that words have long lasting impact to people so if you tell someone they look like they gained weight and that they look “fat” or “too big” they are going to remember that. If they are battling with an eating disorder or disordered eating in general and you tell them they look really good cause they lost weight, they are going to remember that. Words have a lasting impact on people.


I don’t know how many times people commented on my weight in a condescending way when I was younger that sent me into my unhealthy relationship with food. I remember one night, I was trying to eat even just a little bit, and it was my favorite dinner, and I had barely eaten anything before then and I started to eat and my brother made a snide comment about my eating too much. I instantly started crying. I couldn’t finish my food. I just went upstairs to my room and hid because that confirmed everything my brain was telling me and what people at school were telling me.


Words have impact. I remember things people said to me years ago. You have a negativity bias in your brain so you are more inclined to remember the negative things over the positive. I can tell you that that is true. I remember more negative then positive. The things people said to me when I was as young as 10 still impact me to this day.


Before you comment on someone’s weight (whether positive or negative), what they are or are not eating, or how much or little they are eating, please stop and think about it. Could this comment send someone who is struggling into a tailspin? Or is it something positive that doesn’t have anything to do with appearance, things like weight?


If you are struggling with an eating disorder or disordered eating, please reach out for help. Your brain is lying to you. Not eating, exercising excessively, and purging are not good for you. The thoughts you are having about not being thin enough, or being pretty enough, or being too big, or fat, is not true. Please reach out for help. Talk to a parent, a trusted adult, a counselor, a teacher, a therapist, a doctor. Please reach out for help. You are worth recover and your life is so precious. Don’t like what your brain has to say take your precious life away. You are loved. You are strong. You are worthy of life and love.


Hold onto hope and stay strong.


Madison Rae <3

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