Suicide.
I am sure we all know someone who has tried to attempt suicide or has at least had the thoughts even if they haven’t told you. Suicide is a hard topic. It’s a topic that has a lot of controversy around. There are so many differing opinions on it. Opinions like those who attempt suicide or are suicidal are attention seekers. That’s one of the biggest misconceptions about it.
One thing that I am working on is saying died by suicide instead of committed suicide. The idea of the phrasing of committing suicide doesn’t sit well with me. I don’t think it really fits well. Why do we say died by ____ but committed suicide?
It comes back to the way you phrase things. An example of this is like if I say I am bipolar. It’s like claiming it as an identity. But it isn’t my identity, it’s just something I struggle with. So I prefer to say either I have bipolar or I struggle with bipolar.
Anyway back to suicide.
I know what it is like to be suicidal. I know what it is like to attempt suicide. I obviously know what it’s like to survive attempts. And now I know what it feels like when someone doesn't survive an attempt and it is truly heartbreaking. I regret even thinking and attempting it now knowing what it feels like to lose someone to it.
You don’t have any answers. You are constantly feeling like you could've and should've done something. You regret your last conversation unless it was truly about something that matters. You wish you would’ve talked to them more. You wish you could’ve been there for them. You wish you would’ve spoken up when you noticed something was wrong. There’s so many things that go through your brain.
Y’all suicide is not the answer. I am telling you this from experience. I have been put into the psych ward one time because of suicidal thoughts. I have attempted multiple times. I now know that I actually want to live life even if some days I don’t. Even on the hard days I thank God for waking me up because it means I have a purpose.
You have a purpose. You really do, even if you don’t see it at this moment. You are here for a reason. You are where you are supposed to be for something good. There is good that will come out of the hard. Good will come out of whatever you are going through.
Good has come out of mine. It has made me a strong mental health advocate who isn’t afraid to speak the truth. It has made me stronger in my faith. It has helped me help others and be able to understand what they are going through.
Your mess can be a message. Your test can be a testimony. And your story doesn't have to end this way.. You do not have to go through with it. You can get help. Help can be scary but it is very much worth it.
Please get help if you are struggling with severe depression or suicidal thoughts. Your life is worth living even if it doesn't feel that way at this current moment.
You are a warrior. Please do not give up. Your life matters. You matter. You are loved.
Reach out to me or a trusted person if you need someone to talk to. Please your life is worth living. You deserve to live.
Hold onto hope and stay strong.
Madison Rae <3
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