Let’s do an update of my life. The good, the bad, and the ugly from the past couple of months.
Let’s start with the good.
I am about to start a new job at Target. I have heard really good things about people loving working here so let’s hope it’s the same for me. I have been working on cultivating friendships are really focusing on the quality rather than the quantity. I have gotten really close to God these past few months. When I don’t spend some kind of time with Him, I can definitely tell. The best way to start my mornings is to start it with God and that wasn’t exactly the easiest with working at 6 in the morning. I’m hoping ill be working different hours and will be able to get up in time to spend time with God in the mornings.
I have been reading Matthew. This has been really good. I have never read Matthew, Mark, or Luke. I am planning on reading Mark and Luke next!
It’s time for my favorite project of the year which is Gratitude Documented. It starts November 1st. I set up my little notebook for it yesterday and got colors to use out and am just ready to start it. This is my favorite project throughout the year. It gives you a prompt and a verse everyday for the month of November. The prompt is something like salvation, joy, friends, etc that we should be grateful for. Some people do this in their bible, I choose to make a little mini book because that is less intimidating to commit to for every day than a bible page.
It’s fall, which is my favorite season. I love watching the leaves change color and when temps dip a little bit to get a slight crisp in the air. I love when you can see your breath. This season just makes me very happy.
My depression is still pretty much gone. I’ll have some days where it rears its ugly head but nothing like it used to. And I am beyond grateful for that. My anxiety has been lower too these past couple of months which is a nice break from having severe anxiety.
OH! One of the best things was last months 1824. My tics usually act up horribly at 1824. I think it has something to do with being in the room with people my age. I know that doesn’t make sense so let me explain. From the time I was 10 till I graduated high school, I dealt with some kind of bullying from people my age so this has caused an anxiety to be instilled in me that acts up when I’m around people my age. But any way. My tics barely acted up during the talk. They spiked right before but were quiet during the talk and that’s incredible. They are always bad during the talk and it makes me want to leave because I feel like a distraction. I am so very thankful God let me get through it this month with very little tics.
This is silly but one of my favorite christian artists, Francesca Battestelli, released a Christmas album on the 13rd and For King and Country is releasing a Christmas album on the 30th. I know its still October but I have been loving hints of Christmas music throughout the week.
I am looking forward to the holiday season. I love spending time with friends and family and love being able to do little things to bless them like small gifts. That makes my heart happy to be able to give back to them. I always look forward to exchanging gifts with my friends that live out of state cause its a little thing that keeps us together.
Which I am beyond thankful for the people who have stuck with me this far. I know I can be a very difficult person to be around sometimes or talk to especially when my mind is spinning and spiraling. So thank you to those who have stuck with me. I am beyond grateful for you!
The bad and the ugly.
So for one, I had to put my precious baby Bella Boo down and that was hard. It the moment I knew that I needed to do what was best for her and that was letting her sleep. It’s hard sometimes and sometimes it’s like she was never here. But that’s also with 7 other cats in this house. If she was the only one, I’m sure it would be very different.
September 2nd was a year since my mom past. That day wasn’t as hard as I was expecting but it’s still hard to believe that uses been gone that long. I am thankful for the people who spent time with me that day and reached out to me. The support I had from others really helped that day.
In July I broke up with my fiancé. That was hard in it’s own way. I knew for a while that it needed to happen I was really just trying to ignore it and keep everyone (but myself) happy. I am someone who usually puts others in front of themselves and I usually pay for it in the long run. Like getting in and staying in a relationship I didn’t completely want to be in but felt I needed to because others want me to be.
Also in July, I relapsed in my ed and still struggling now. This is probably the worst thing that has happened in the past couple of months. Struggling with an ed is not easy and definitely not fun. I speak out a lot about mental health and things like eating disorders to help people know they are not alone and that they don’t have to stay in it that there is hope. It’s been multiple months since I initially started in these habits again and I can say I have gotten better than I was initially. Eating disorders are very complex mental health disorders. There’s a lot more to it then just body image. There’s things like a false sense of comfort and control that make it hard to give it up. I am working with a team and God to help me get past it.
Ultimately through all of these things, God is still good. God will alway always always be good. He brings beauty from ashes. He will never leave or forsake you. He is with you through everything you face. He will be your shelter right beside you. He will be your refuge. He will be your protector.
Hold onto hope and stay strong.
Madison Rae <3
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