I haven’t always had the healthiest relationship with food. I've gone through periods where I overeat. Then I go to the other extreme and eat little to nothing or if I ate, I would purge it. Like I said I haven’t had the healthiest relationship with food. But one thing I have noticed is that I didn’t always do it for being thinner.
I did it because I didn’t have control over things in my life. At this time, I would go to church but honestly just do something besides listen whether that be play on my phone or knit (I know I’m a granny). I wouldn’t pay attention to the messages because I was beyond angry and upset with God.
My unhealthy relationship with food start not that long after I moved to Indiana when I was 10. We left the place I had known my whole life and moved across country to Indiana where we’d being our new life. That was 7 and 1/2 years ago. For 5 to 5 1/2 of those years I was being bullied. Those words drive me to do things like the unhealthy food relationship that was basically an obsession.
When I got bad, I would debate for hours whether or not to eat. And if I did, if I was going to keep it down. That is not how God wanted me to live nor is it how He wants you to live. He wants you to go to Him when you start to feel those feelings of unworthiness or like you don’t belong.
We are called the temples of God in 1 Corinthians 3:16 and again in 1 Corinthians 6:19-20. We are meant to cherish our bodies. We are meant to embrace them and love them.
Maybe you are struggling with something today. You have to stop and think, is it so I have control over something? There was multiple things I did to have this illusion of control in my life. But what I realize now is that we don’t have that control over anything. The One who does is God. He has a plan for you.
Most of the time when we struggle with something like this, it is because there is something deeper going on inside of us. What could possibly be going on deeper that is causing you to feel this way? What are you feeling? What problems have you internalized that need to go to God?
I’m not perfect by any means nor am I completely healed. I still struggle sometimes but no where near where I did a few months and years ago. Once I realized I didn’t have that control I wanted, and began to lean on God in those moments, I began to get better. I began to get stronger.
I’m not saying you will be magically healed. But what I am saying is go to the One who heals. Go to Him and ask Him to help you through this time and maybe you can start to get better.
Madison Rae <3
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