There are things that people don’t tell you about moving out. There are a lot of things that people don’t tell you about when you leave a toxic home environment. Some of these things seem really easy to grasp and some are not.So these will change depending on how your household was toxic. Mine will probably be different than yours and yours different then someone else’s.
1) You have to learn to just take care of yourself.
-This one seems easy but I am still working on this. This one is really hard for me. For about all my life, I always had to take care of the people around me. I had to make sure their needs were met and that what we did was best for them. I was taught to put myself on the back burner. I was taught that my needs were not as important as someone like my brothers. My needs were not met (My physical needs like food, water, shelter, etc. were met but my emotional needs were not met.)
2) Your trauma may come out in full force.
-One thing that I have slightly dealt with is my trauma replaying in my head more. There is no one around me (besides my cats) to distract me. There is not one to talk to face to face. Yes I can call people and I do, but it’s not the same. I have a lot of trauma. Some from childhood and some from my teenage years. Replaying trauma is never fun but thats what working through it in therapy is for.
3) You learn to be more responsible.
-This one seems like common sense but it has really come out since I moved out. I have had to be more responsible with different things like money, time, cleaning, laundry, etc.
4) You learn to find intentional time with people you lived with if you want to maintain a relationship.
-I moved out very quickly. I’m talking within 5 days of really looking for an apartment. It wasn't ideal but it has been the best thing for me. But with that, I gave my dad a really slim warning about me moving out. I felt bad. But now, we spend intentional time together every week and it’s something I look forward to every week.
5) You learn to tolerate the toxic behavior less once you are gone.
-The reason I moved out was because of my brother and the way he is. He is a toxic person and I just couldn’t do it anymore. Truthfully, I try to avoid him the best I can and generally only go to my dad’s house when I know that my dad is home. I have learned that I can tolerate his behavior less than ever before. The great thing? I have a place I can go instead of being forced to keep living with it. I no longer have to live with him and that is amazing.
6) Moving out may be the best thing you ever do for yourself.
-Moving out has 100% been the best thing I have ever done. Moving out has given me so much more independence. It has helped me grow in many ways. It has helped me grow in ways that I can’t explain. It has helped me really turn into someone I am learning to love.
There’s a lot of things that people don't tell you about moving out for the first time. There’s also a lot of things that people don’t tell you about moving out of a very toxic living situation. That is just a few things I have learned so far. I’m excited to keep learning and growing the longer I am moved out and living on my own.
Hold onto hope and stay strong.
Madison Rae <3
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